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Elves are under serious pressure during the holiday season. Unfortunately, many turn to prescription drugs and alcohol as a means of self-medicating. It’s important you keep an eye on your elf and look for the warning signs of alcoholism or prescription drug abuse:
A small drink every now and then is fine, but it’s important to remember that elves are, by their very nature, mini. They aren’t able to handle the same amount of alcohol as humans. Never encourage them to keep up with you. And it’s also important to recognize that many medications are not to be mixed with alcoholic drinks – doing so can be seriously dangerous. Blackouts are very common when mixing particular medications and alcohol. They may wake up not even knowing where they are or how they got there.
Elves spend their entire year slaving away creating PS4s, Xboxes, Apple TVs – really, you name it they make it. But let’s be frank, they only get paid one day a year. And they’re paid in “holiday cheer”. Talk about the world’s most exhaustive and debatably gratuitous jobs. Never put it past your elf to feel entitled to treat themselves…with your money. Some may actually feel you owe it to them. Elves can also be extremely accomplished thieves, especially because of their petite frame. You may not even hear them rummaging through your pocketbook.
You should never body-shame anyone. It’s just not in good taste. But elves…well they’re especially sensitive. They may decide to start lifting weights or practicing yoga. For most people, physical fitness is a positive. Live longer, look better, feel better, and be stronger, right? No – not for elves.
Elves cannot help that they’re small. They’re born as such. Their muscles don’t build the way ours do. In fact, there’s no conclusive evidence that elves even have what is known as “fast-twitch muscle fiber”, which is extremely crucial in building strength. For one, they don’t really know anything about lifting weights. You ever hear of a personal trainer who solicits elves? Didn’t think so. Don’t belittle them for being little. Unless you want your elf to hurt itself.
They only care about their own diet. They can’t manage cooking even the most rudimentary dishes. And their cooking methods are blatantly dangerous. Looks like this one is about to cook himself and cause a house fire.
Elves live for Christmas. But they loathe all other holidays and despite their seemingly frozen smile, the sight of other holiday-related props or decorations will trigger a storm of hatred within them. They will lash out. Look at the mess this one made just because he found a can of silly string. Make it a priority to store away all your other holiday-related items BEFORE the Christmas season.
Elves are cooped up all year long. When the holiday season finally comes around, they’re pretty much adrenaline junkies. So it may be hard to deny them, but let’s keep this straight – elves do not know how to properly use a zip line…or repel down a cliff.
Look at this egregious crime being committed all because this elf got his hands on a scissor (which he’s likely never seen before). You are NOT supposed to cut that tag off. Please, for heaven’s sake, don’t let your elf near anything sharp. This is of the utmost importance…
Steven Palermo is the managing partner for Palermo Law, Long Island’s Personal Injury Law Firm. He has been helping people receive compensation for their injuries for over 21 years. He focuses on cases involving car accidents, truck accidents, construction accidents and slip and fall injuries.
His book The Ultimate Guide to Handling New York Car Accident Claims details the ins and outs of a car accident claim in a simple, easy-to-read manner.